Lockdown diaries

This article is in continuation with the poem on’ Migrants’ written by Harshita.

It was about their plight, emotions , conundrums during the lockdown period 2020. But I have something else to share with you. I am a Medical Laboratory Technologist by profession who works in a government hospital. As per the Government protocol, hospitals come under essential services. As you all are aware that Medical Laboratory Technologists are playing a key role in diagnosis, treatment & prevention of novel Covid 19 . A number of my friends are working in designated hospitals for the treatment of this dreadful disease & are staying away from their families. They are also going through the fear of getting infected & are facing stess & anxiety of being away from their loved ones.

My journey

My journey of being an independent person started from the age of 11.

By givingtuitions to neighbourhood children from such a young age, I became financially independent to support my own education expenses.

Opening a savings account in a bank at the age of fourteen without any help of my parents was my biggest achievement back then.

I got my first government job of being a Medical Laboratory Assistant at the age of 20.

And owned my firsthouse just at the age of twenty three and I couldn’t feel more strong and self sufficient.

I’ve been a single parent from the last thirteen years and my journey of life has been arduous but not fragile.

You all might be thinking that why am I sharing all these incidents with you. Here’s why:

During Lockdown, I lost almost all of my independency .I am not talking about not being able to go out because of the restrictions during this tough time but about being dependent on others, asking for help from everyone to reach my workplace being determined as an essential service. .My colleagues and relatives didhelp me a lot , but the burden on my soul, from asking them to drop me to actually reaching my destination, would increase day by day because it was not a one time thing. I had to ping them up for quite a number of times.

ALSO READ — Empowerment of women during lockdown.

My Choices

I chose to stay away from my childrentwice for almost one month ,for the first time in my life. I had to stay nearby my office to dilute my burden.

I had the guilt that during such strenuous times when everyone is supporting their family emotionally, mentally, spending time together , helping each other in house chores because of maids not being available ,I was not there to support them .They were managing their lives without me for the first time in years , doing the basics like cooking through video calls, cleaning, washing dishes etc .They have become more independent now. But they are also facing the challenges of being isolated and away from their mother. Challenges of being lonely and deserted.

ALSO READ — 10 positive things that happened during lockdown.

My experiences

On the other hand, I was also feeling a little depressed of not having my personal vehicle aspublic transport and cabs/private taxis were not available. I called a private taxi driver twice but he turned down due to sealed Delhi- Noida border and hence I had to ask for lift for the first time in my life from an unknown person at my own risk to reach my office & praying every second to reach safely to my destination.

Metaphorically ,I dreamed to become Milkha Singh so that I could run 35 kilometers (the distance between Noida & Delhi) toreach myworkplace without any help.

I found these Migrants more stronger & self standing than me who were managing their journey of hundreds of kilometers to reach their native places without any social stigma , barefoot , without basic survival kit which includes food & water with their small kids on their back & other family members .

I was surprised about how did a girl manage to cover such a long journey on her bicycle with her ill father on the back seat for his treatment & I was not able to cover my so called 35 kilometers distance even after being so privileged of having a house of my own and having the essentials of survival.

My independence buried deep down when I had to ask for help from someone only so could I reach out to my children and feel the warmth of motherhood.

I hereby, raise a question to myself & for every woman that why are we dependent on others , why are we not self sufficient enough to drive any vehicle , why can we not overcome our fear of driving & all these burden piled up on my already heavy heart.

who helped me to reach my home so that I could ease my burden ,stress & anxiety during such times of crisis where I am thankful to all my colleagues social distance has become mandatory. We all are in same boat. But a real friend in need is a friend indeed.

I am sharing my emotions because we need to change our own mindset. To be independent in all aspects of life. Generally, we depend on the male family members ,our husbands ,brothers & sons .We should not expect too much and overcome fears of our own. We miss to learn so many things as we feel their presence in our life just because we think they are physically more strong and might also be, but then again “mhaari chhoriya chhoro se kam hai ke?”

This is me signing off.

Originally published at https://www.harshitasolanki.com on August 12, 2020.

I hope you liked this article about Lockdown Diaries. I am open to opinions and suggestions. If you have any, then comment below.

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This blog is about poetry, social issues, empowerment and education.

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Harshita Solanki

This blog is about poetry, social issues, empowerment and education.